Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Great Colonoscopy Sweepstakes? Can the End Be Near?

Some mighty peculiar things are going on out there. Have you noticed? I don't know if its the economy, global warming, the democrats, the pirates or even the republicans, it is downright crazy. For instance:
Sunset on the Ocean in New Jersey? Seemingly impossible, I snapped this photo at Sunset Beach in Cape May, NJ. Yes, that's the ocean. The sunken concrete ship can be seen in the water. One of the few places on the east coast where you can see the sun set on the ocean.

You probably think I made this colonoscopy thing up. Really, what kind of crazy, sick people would come up a major sweepstakes where the first prize is a colonoscopy?? Probably the same funsters who came up with the employee of the month grand prize of lunch with the company executives. That's a sure bet to drive performance down in most organizations.

As for the Great Colonoscopy Sweepstakes, they're real and they're spectacular! Go to "CBS Cares." for details and to enter. But there's more (only if you act NOW!).

In addition to the free colonoscopy, CBS will fly you to New York City and put you and one guest up in a fancy hotel for 3 nights. Of course, one of those nights you'll be parked in a beautiful bathroom experiencing the joy of "colon blow" laxative. I speak from personal experience. After 24 hours of enduring this cleansing, you'll be wondering why you brought your best friend/date/spouse with you to share in this adventure, considering the racket you've been causing in the bathroom. Not to mention you'll have spent most of the first day in your glamorous NYC hotel, never wandering too far from the toilet.

You'll emerge from this purifying experience a better person -- and you may even have lost a few pounds! Not just from the colon blow, but you haven't eaten anything for two days now. You'll not allowed. Oh, I guess that means you won't be visiting any of the hundreds of great NYC restaurants the first day and a half or so.

Soon, hopefully, on day 2, after checking in with a renowned NYC gastro doctor, and completing a few brief hours of paperwork and preparation for the procedure, you'll be stretched out on a table with what looks like a garden hose rammed up your butt.
The "whole" event will be "simulcast" on a monitor near you (and hopefully NOT over the internet). Anything that was hiding in there is then removed by a super suction thing, which I could plainly hear even in my half awake condition. Within a half hour or so, they will have had enough of this and be done with you. Out to the recovery room you'll go.

After somewhat of a wobbly wakeup and dress up, you (and your guest if they are still with you) will finally be on your own to enjoy a bite of the Big Apple . Assuming there was good news from the test.
BTW, I signed up for the drawing. Ne'er having won anything of significance my entire life, I feel this could be the one.

More signs of the times: Walking the dog one morning recently, I noticed the newspaper delivery guy driving through the neighborhood. What was so unusual about that? He was flinging newspapers out the window of a late model BMW.

That's the ticket: One of the more active seminar/training communications shops in the nation is offering free airfare to fly to its upcoming 2-day seminar to make it "easier on your corporate budgets." We need to show some love to our downtrodden

On the Bone: A new restaurant is opening in Princeton on Route 1. At least I think it is a restaurant. Not sure what kind of clientele will be attracted by this uniquely named establishment. Fred Flintstone types? Canines? Morally defunct persons of questionable character? Also, I wonder what's on the kids' menu?


  1. Bob,

    You're the only one I know that can make someone laugh about a colonoscopy!


  2. So, did you win?? Sounds like the prize of the century!! :-)