Ghosts of Christmas Past

Editors Note: We received this very nice essay from one of our favorite correspondents - Dr Bob Gallagher. Many of us will have our memories jogged a bit by his recollections of his Christmas's past. I think most of us will read this and be able to share a smile -- or even a melancholy moment or two -- reflecting on the magic of being a child in holiday seasons past.

Christmas in Pittsburgh

Christmas has past and today I sat around thinking of the images of the Christmases of my youth. Yes, it was a LONG time ago, but the mind is still sharp enough to bring back memories.

A week or so before Christmas our family would drive the 25 miles to the “big city” (Pittsburgh) to take in the Christmas sights. All the department stores would convert their outside display windows into scenes of the season, with electric trains in action, snowy villages and Santa’s workshop showing elves hard at work making Christmas toys.

The sidewalks were crowded with shoppers on their way to find that perfect gift. On every corner would be a young boy with his stack of newspapers for sale. The hustle and bustle of the big city always put us in the Christmas mood.

When I was about eleven or twelve and in the Boy Scouts, we sold Christmas trees as a money making project. It had snowed, heavily, and we were able to just stick the trees into the snow to make our own forest. Trees 6’ and under went for 50 cents and those taller ones were 75 cents. Of course, the man who had the tree sales around the corner, wasn’t happy since he charged $1 per tree.

At our house, we bought our tree and then left it on the back porch for Santa to put up and decorate. On Christmas morning it was such a sight to come down stairs and see the tree and Santa’s gifts to us on display under the tree. I remember that one year he put balloons in the tree as additional decorations.

One of the gifts I always remember was a dart game. You loaded three or four darts into a box that had a reverse periscope attached to it and a lever to release the darts. You stood over the dart board, which was a map of Tokyo, and let those bombs go ! By now, you can figure how old I am.

Another tradition at our house was that after opening all the gifts, my mom and dad would take a very long nap. It wasn’t until later, when I became part of the midnight visit from Santa, for my sister, that I discovered the reason for this traditional “family sleep time”. It seems that after doing all the “Santa” thing at our house, my parents went next door to help with our neighbor’s tree. Their Christmas tradition consisted of starting to drink after dinner and by the time their kids were in bed, the neighbors were pretty much wasted. If it wasn’t for my parents, there wouldn’t have been much of a Christmas next door. Hence the Christmas nap time at our house.

Well, those are some of the Christmas memories I always think about from my childhood. I hope you can sit back and let the memories of your youth pass through your mind and bring a smile to your face.

So, Merry Christmas, even though it’s late.

Bob Gallagher

The Decade Concludes with Jack Bauer vs Santa!

Dear Brouhaha readers;

My Christmas wish for you: despite the frantic pace and anxiety the season of peace brings, I hope you can take 5 minutes to reflect on how far you've come, and embrace the moments of peace you can hopefully find now, and renew your hope for the coming decade.

The past decade flew by. I was just getting used to it and it's gone already. Having seen a decade or two (ahem), I think this past one has offered the worst of times and yet the best of times. At least in my memory.

I just read somewhere that this decade has had fewer natural disasters than the previous one, for instance. Hard to believe calling to mind the tragic tsunamis, devastating earthquakes, horrific hurricanes that drowned and demolished major cities. Not to mention worldwide terrorist attacks and ongoing genocides. For Pete's sake, we've been at war for 8 years of the decade now with no end in sight. Not uplifting events.

But what is uplifting is that this nation has actually elected a black man as President. I was a young child growing up in the 50's. In my lifetime African Americans couldn't use the same bathrooms as whites, the Ku Klux Klan still killed blacks and the whites who supported them with impunity, and basic human rights were intentionally denied to so many.

So Obama's election is a major step forward in recognizing and honoring the uniqueness and basic equality of humankind. Don't unfurl the banner that says "Mission Accomplished" yet because the road ahead for human rights is still long. But this was a major victory for us all, no matter what kind of president he is. I think he will be a good one in that arena as well.

As King Arthur said, this was "one brief shining moment" during a decade when so much hatred was exposed in the name of radical religious fanatics. But, oh, how that moment shines.

But that is not the only thing to cheer about from this past decade. Science and technology gave us wonderful and affordable tools to the common man or woman. Almost any of us can experience and participate in art, photography, music and communication in ways no one could even imagined ten years ago. It makes our lives so much richer! I know the world has become much smaller and my network of fellow travelers/friends on this journey is now worldwide and growing thanks to the miracle of the Internet. Thanks Al Gore! :-)

What can we expect and hope for in the next decade? It looks like we'll make major medical advances because of projects like the Human Genome research will begin to yield results. Will we finally see the end of cancer as we know it now? I think this would be humankind's next great accomplishment. We all know someone who is suffering from cancer or has shuffled off our globe at an early age from the deadly killer. We need to pop open a can of whoop-ass on that bad boy. Also, a little prayer might help as well.

Now for Something Completely Different

In the most bizarre of throwdowns, we've found this wonderful little video on YouTube. It's the classic battle of evil vs. good in a mashup of everyone's favorite rogue agent vs the Jolly Old Elf, himself. Can you guess who wins?

Happy New Year!

The Christmas Letter You Never Got

Editor's Note: At one time or another we've all received the perfect holiday letter from the perfect family. You know the one. Everything is beautiful. The kids are all-star players and honor roll students, the parents are climbing career ladders at breakneck speed, the new custom built house has plenty of room if you want to visit, and the new shore house is just perfect. And in between all the volunteer work at the soup kitchen, not to mention the golf and tennis club charity balls, they want to reach out to you -- the little people they once knew.

Yes, now they reach down to you personally -- even though it's obvious that they send the same letter to everyone. It's not even signed in real ink -- just a "love you -- the [family surname only]". You can't even tell who composed the damn letter so you would know who to blame.

Well, here is Brouhaha's answer to the perfect year end letter. If your life isn't all it should be, just copy this letter to send -- just fill in the names as appropriate.


Hello everyone! Kisses and hugs to you all! Our family had another really great year and I want to share with you just how wonderful our lives are.

If you are reading this family update, it's probably because we were very close with one at one point in our lives but either due to the shallowness of our previous relationship OR our change in social status, we have lost touch. Or maybe you are a family member that no one in the family talks to very often. Whatever! Time to catch up with the our family news!

Not that "things" are the most important things in life, but we are proudest moment in 2009 was when the bank renegotiated our mortgage on our shore house. Thank goodness! I don't know what we would have done this summer! It can get a little warm in Short Hills and you know how crowded the regular beaches get that time of year. Plus can you imagine the pain of having to travel that much farther to the summer country and pool club? Lord-ee me!

Hey, but I still have a bluebird on my shoulder!

Our daughter, Trudy, has just met a wonderful man! As you know she is a real go-getter! She is a management trainee at Hooters and when there was a big golf tournament in town, she met a dashing young man. He's a professional golfer known world-wide, according to her. But you know how modest she is -- she won't tell us who it is! But when the time is right, Trudy says, everyone will know about them! We are very excited for her and hope that wedding bells might be in the future!

As for our son, Butch, is really doing very well in high school. He is the quarterback of the team and has a new girlfriend every week. He has a part-time job selling little boxes of Chicklets gum packs after school and, gosh darn it, it's a real money maker. Wow, are we surprised! He has more money to spend than we do, it's really amazing! But as you know, Butch is a natural salesman with a great personality and wonderful smile. He is saving up to buy a fancy SUV and is on track to earn it in early next year.

By the way, my face lift went so well I've included a photo of how I look now. Don't be jealous, now! All Ralphie can say is "wow, you look like a 25-year-old again." Such a big flirt, eh?

Not everything is picture-perfect though. I want my America back!

I know it's an "Obama-nation" now but enough is enough. We are becoming a socialist nation in the hands of these liberal do-gooding bleeding-hearts! Just when and Ralphie and I are about to start collecting social security and go on medicare (who can afford health insurance - tee hee). Obama and his friends are trying to find new ways into our private lives to tax us. I say just give me my social security check, medicare and medicaid payments and keep big government out of our lives! We wish Ronald Reagan were alive so he could kick the bejabbers out of these do-gooders! Next thing you know, they'll want to take the food stamps away from grandma and grandpa!

That's it for this year! Zip-pee-dee do-dah! Have a happy new decade! Your friends or relatives forever, love you, -- the family.

The Gift

Open Letter to Service Men and Women

It's December 1970. I am part of the Disaster Recovery Team on 24 hour call on this Air Force Base in the middle of nowhere.

This is my first Christmas away from home. I am lonely and over 1,000 miles from where I know where Christmas is really happening. It's sure not happening here. It's not snowing and it's not even cold. There is no one to eat dinner with, there are no parties to go to.  Most of my new buddies were able to get leave.

On Christmas eve, I sit by myself in my sparse base quarters. There are no presents under the tree. There is no tree in my room. Nothing to open tonight or tomorrow morning because I immediately unwrapped gifts from home as I received them weeks ago. So I find myself on my own and dejected. I feel the world has forgotten about me.  It is at this lowest point, there is a knock on my door.

Lo and behold. An Air Force nurse -- someone who I have known only for a short while-- presents me a small wrapped holiday gift. Embarassed because I have nothing for her, I fumble with the wrapping, and open it --it is just a bottle of inexpensive cologne. I am deeply moved by this gift than more than any other I had ever received.

I cannot thank her enough. I remain grateful to this day for her kindness and her thoughfulness. I feel this event teaches me a valuable life lesson.

A gift doesn't have to be expensive -- or even has to be something the person wants -- to have remarkable impact on a life. It sounds corny, but the simple act of reaching out to touch someone in an unexpected way is truly a gift itself. Especially those who are alone and afraid.

Thanks to a  nurse named Joanne in Little Rock and a $5 bottle of cologne taught me I receive a gift I can never forget on my first Christmas away from home.

All I can offer you is the small gift of this absolutely true story. If you are in a place you don't want to be, and feeling all alone, I hope you can take comfort, as I once did, in the receiving or the giving of the the gift of a simple act of kindness. 

Robert W. T. Beardsley

Captain, USAF, 1970

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Postscript: A Christmas Past

From L to R:   Me (reclining in front of my future wife); Kay; Don; Joanne (the nurse who gave me the gift), Cookie (who married Don), another Bob (who I haven't kept in touch with) and Phil (I was the best man at his wedding).  Both Kay and Cookie have passed on way too soon, both leaving loving families and two children each behind. Don retired after 30 years in the AF and lives in California. He has remarried. Joanne and her children live with her husband, George, in Pittsburgh.  

Some True Things

IRS Has A Cruel Sense of Musical Humor!

I called the IRS for an extension for a minor income tax dispute. While I waited on the phone for almost 20 minutes while they chatted with "other customers," However, I was treated to musical selections from Tchaichovsky's NutCracker -- music traditionally associated with Holiday gift giving! And here it was late Summer and 80 degrees out.

Not to mention the irony of the Nutcracker itself.

As for those "other customers," what is it that they are doing to make them customers? Does the IRS sell something? Or does this mean we're "always right?"

New Jersey Transit Cares!
While riding the commuter train to Newark:
1. Conductor: "We will depart in a couple of minutes while we respot the train to accommodate a wheelchair commuter"
2. Moments later, train pulls out of station. We didn't notice any "respotting."
3. Minutes later in our packed train car: Conductor says loudly to Assistant Conducter "Did you get the wheel chair on board?"
4. Assistant Conductor to Conductor "No."

5. Conductor "Oh." Both turn around and walk away.

6. Visions of handicapped person cursing the train as it pulled away!

Your Corporation Cares ... Now

The rush to retirement by Boomers has raised a new concern among our heartless corporations. Some Gen X leaders are beginning to wonder who will they lead in the coming years? So, HR departments are devising strategies to keep some of us experienced geezers, coots and old bats on the job instead of retiring. These are the same people Corporations would have recently been happy to divest themselves of -- not to mention their larger salaries.

Are Owners of Smart Cars Really Smart?

The Smart Car is basically a Go-Cart with a roof and side-by-side seating. I drive the NJ Turnpike every morning to work and have been noticing a number of Smart Cars lately. Seems like They are always in the fast lane. Keep in mind that the minimum speed that cars travel on the Turnpike is about 75 and they are about 25 feet apart from each other.

If that isn't dangerous enough, half the vehicles are Monster SUVs driven by people on cell phones. This should be terrifying to the average driver in an average sized car, much less a "Smart" Car Driver. Makes me wonder what the demographis is for Smart Car buyers. Tree-hugging Evil Kneivels?