The Gift

Open Letter to Service Men and Women

It's December 1970. I am part of the Disaster Recovery Team on 24 hour call on this Air Force Base in the middle of nowhere.

This is my first Christmas away from home. I am lonely and over 1,000 miles from where I know where Christmas is really happening. It's sure not happening here. It's not snowing and it's not even cold. There is no one to eat dinner with, there are no parties to go to.  Most of my new buddies were able to get leave.

On Christmas eve, I sit by myself in my sparse base quarters. There are no presents under the tree. There is no tree in my room. Nothing to open tonight or tomorrow morning because I immediately unwrapped gifts from home as I received them weeks ago. So I find myself on my own and dejected. I feel the world has forgotten about me.  It is at this lowest point, there is a knock on my door.

Lo and behold. An Air Force nurse -- someone who I have known only for a short while-- presents me a small wrapped holiday gift. Embarassed because I have nothing for her, I fumble with the wrapping, and open it --it is just a bottle of inexpensive cologne. I am deeply moved by this gift than more than any other I had ever received.

I cannot thank her enough. I remain grateful to this day for her kindness and her thoughfulness. I feel this event teaches me a valuable life lesson.

A gift doesn't have to be expensive -- or even has to be something the person wants -- to have remarkable impact on a life. It sounds corny, but the simple act of reaching out to touch someone in an unexpected way is truly a gift itself. Especially those who are alone and afraid.

Thanks to a  nurse named Joanne in Little Rock and a $5 bottle of cologne taught me I receive a gift I can never forget on my first Christmas away from home.

All I can offer you is the small gift of this absolutely true story. If you are in a place you don't want to be, and feeling all alone, I hope you can take comfort, as I once did, in the receiving or the giving of the the gift of a simple act of kindness. 

Robert W. T. Beardsley

Captain, USAF, 1970

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Postscript: A Christmas Past

From L to R:   Me (reclining in front of my future wife); Kay; Don; Joanne (the nurse who gave me the gift), Cookie (who married Don), another Bob (who I haven't kept in touch with) and Phil (I was the best man at his wedding).  Both Kay and Cookie have passed on way too soon, both leaving loving families and two children each behind. Don retired after 30 years in the AF and lives in California. He has remarried. Joanne and her children live with her husband, George, in Pittsburgh.  

A Visceral Response to the VP Debate

The presidential debates never fail to depress and bore me.  However, last night's VP debate was a bit different. Here are some of the emotional reactions I had in response to the event:

I was impressed:

Sarah went to "school" and memorized a whole lot o' crap AND Joe went to "school" and has learned to cut down on the crap.

I was exhausted:

because both candidates are hyperactive talkers and it made me tired just listening to them for 90 minutes.

I was stymied:

because both debaters agreed on so much.

I was disappointed:

that both campaigns believe the American voter is so stupid that eventually they'll believe anything if you say it enough. (e.g. Obama wants to raise taxes! McCain and Bush are the same!)

I was depressed:

that American voters are so stupid (see 2004) that we fall for the same partisan lies election after election.

I was stupified:

that noted journalist Glen Iffel didn't follow up on some of the more outrageous statements such as "John McCain knows how to win a war."  Sarah, we lost in Vietnam and John was a prisoner for most of it!

I was astounded:

that it was the man that choked back a tear and the woman that was hard as nails!

I was puzzled:

that Sarah had five kids and that Joe is just an average Joe. Neither of them look like that is possible.  In fact, from their appearance and speech alone, Sarah looks and sounds like a Democrat and Joe looks and sounds like a Republican.

I was amused:

that the women who are most like Ms. Palin (focused, driven, overextended with family and career) are the most vociferous against her. I saw some of their reactions on Twitter during the debate.

I was flabberghasted:

when Sarah said -- right at the beginning -- that she is not going to answer the questions but she'll "speak directly to the American people!"  I guess we have no choice but to listen.

I was entertained:

when Sarah did her Tina Fey impressions so well!  :-)

And finally, I was unconvinced:
that anyone would change their vote because of this debate. Sarah didn't blow it, neither did Joe but at the end of the night, there were no revelations.

What did you think?

What WAS IT Like in the 60's?

My hair-stylist (some people call ‘em barbers, hmmm) asked me yesterday what was it like growing up in the 60’s. 

I looked a closer look at her and saw a 40 year old eastern European woman. Her question about the 60’s came at the end on a complaint that today people have no respect.  In the 60’s they did have respect, didn’t they?  I dunno. Maybe respect for each other’s youth, but not a lot of respect for the “establishment.”  

Frankly I did not have an elevator speech prepared regarding what was it like back in the day.   I muttered a few observations – none startling I am sure – to point out that there was a changing of the way people perceived their lives growing up in the 60’s.   The depression era parents were raising children differently then they were raised. And at the same time blaming themselves for what the youth they were raising.  But this has become only clearer as time has gone on.  We living back then didn’t think of ourselves as growing up any differently than the generations.

So, were we all liberals then, and young?   Maybe.  Some of us followed a more traditional path but still considered ourselves part of the voice of the 60’s.  I was in the Air Force for 5 years towards the end of the Vietnam tragedy.  But I considered myself a kind of rebel in my own regard. I criticized the government, hated the Nixon regime, and loved the Beatles. I believed in rights for people of all color (my hero Muhammed Ali), thought women should be educated and contribute what they wanted or could)  to society, thought a woman ought to have control of her own body.  The era was teeming with social movements back then.

Today, we have supplanted social movements with social media, thus bringing a new powerful voice to those who want “change” we really can believe in.  But I haven’t seen much of the vitriol that emerged during the 60’s explode yet in the new millennium. OMG, the peaceniks would bomb government buildings!  Now only terrorists do that.

To me, there seems to be a lack of passion in social causes that there once was.   And I think passion and even vitriol provided the tension that fueled the changes that occurred.  NOT that everything changed.   We left Vietnam but now have an undeclared war in Iraq, a real crisis in healthcare, a nation still split by race and origin (Hispanics now), an imperfect economic system that seriously favors the haves and an educational system that still victimizes the poor. 

Yet, we don’t hear the loud voices that we heard back in the day.  And the funny thing is that those voices are still here – but now the voices belong to the parents and grandparents.  Why aren’t they making themselves heard?  

And I spend increasing amounts of time wondering what really has changed from the 60's to the millennium.   So after yea these many years of living, I have come up with a few observations that I toss your way.  

Nothing to do with walking miles to school, I promise.  Or even having to get up to switch channels on the telly.  But I think the forces of postmodern living have resulted in monumental “paradigm” shifts in the way people live now.

 The maturing process (i.e. passage to young adulthood ) was hastened back in the day (BITD) because of the military  draft.  Everyone (females excluded, of course) had the opportunity was targeted by the military (in more ways than one) at 18 years old.  Many did. Today only the “lucky” volunteers get that opportunity.  One can do a lot of maturing in two years in the Army.  What they taught best back then (and probably now) is responsibility to others and to oneself. They teach true teamwork and truly education in many ways. When and where are those lessons learned today by the 22 year olds today?  

BITD, the 18 year old was not nearly as experienced as today’s youth.   Ubiquitous foreign travel without getting shot at, drinking, drugs and sex at earlier ages might have something to do with this phenomena. You would think this would have a maturing effect something like military service.  I haven't observed that yet.

BITD, kids that behaved badly in the social/education settings were punished.  Today they are diagnosed and medicated.  It seems to me that both methods lack overall results.

BITD, very few people kept dogs in their homes and if they did, they were invariably small dogs.  Today, no dog lives outside (at least in the east), small or large. And ones as large as deer are kept as house dogs.

BITD, children didn’t speak to adults.  Today, children freely engage adults often in intelligent conversation.

BITD, no one revealed their sexuality and queer was in the closet.  Today, queer is out of the closet and very much in our face. It disturbs me to hear Gays and Lesbians make fun of themselves by embracing terms like “Queer” and “”Dike.”  I think there is some parallel to African Americans calling themselves the “n” word. I think categorizing and stereotypes always plays to ignorance. 

BITD, people had "pride" – tell no one what went behind closed doors, or anything about what went on in the family.  Today people still have pride, but it’s in the telling of what goes on behind closed doors. It's living out loud. See reality TV. 

BITD, drinks at lunch during were common place.  See Madmen.  Now, almost no one has a drink at lunch.  I don't know when that stopped, but it stopped all at once, seems to me.

In the 60’s, Ozzie and Harriet.was “reality” TV.  In the new millennium, Ozzie and Sharon Osborne and other celebs brought new meaning to “reality.”   I suspect neither of these shows got reality right, or even close to right.  

So what were the 60's like?   After considering all this and more, I really can't come any closer to that elevator speech I mentioned earlier.  One thing I think is for certain.  Change is always in the wind and someday someone from the now generation will be comparing the outrageous behavior of the youth of 2050.  

What were the 60's like for you? Use the comments section below to get the discussion started?

At the Shore With High School Buddies

Some friends from High School and I spent an afternoon at the Jersey Shore last week. Not an unusual event except it occurred almost exactly 44 years years after we graduated.  

That many years can cause quite a bit of damage to one's personal person, I assure you. One of us has two artificial hips, another one is living with his 3rd (third!) liver. Yet another has lost a part of his lung and has had a colostomy. And I have two artificial knees. You just don't know what kinda crap you are going to get into during those 44 years.

We graduated in 1964 when the Vietnam war was amping up. We all went to college and 3 of us went into the military. We certainly were the last generation that expected to go into the Service and in fact, did go.

Unless you were "4F." I mentioned the term 4F to a couple of 20 somethings the other day at work -- and they had no idea what that meant. It means you have some physical impairment that disqualifies you from being shot at.  Kind of an "anti-darwinian" government view, eh? Usually the impairment is such a ridiculous disqualifier, you had to laugh. Such was the case with Lou -- he was one of the most physically fit of us but did not have to serve.

Two of us -- John and Lee -- ended up in Vietnam. And they have endured the effects of war for many years. In Lee's case, he has had multiple livers, horrible recovery periods, other associated and not so associated diseases for the past 10 years. He collects a disability from exposure from Agent Orange. Lee, our most gung-ho Republican, served 2 tours over there.

John served one tour in the Nam and although he doesn't collect disability, he has developed several cancers prior to age 60. He is recovering now from a round of Chemo. We'll always suspect that he was exposed to something over there as well.

I joined the Air Force and never went overseas, although I tell everyone that Arkansas was a planet of its own. I cannot claim damage from my 5 years, and in fact, think it was an extremely useful life experience.  One that many could benefit from today, but that's another posting.

So we gathered in Point Pleasant Beach bringing our wives and memories with us.  One one hand, I think that a lot of living goes on in 62 years or so, but on the other hand, I still can relate to these guys and think of them still in terms of being young.  No one would mistake any of us for young though.

Throughout the course of these years, a person makes many relationships and I am count myself lucky to have maintained these acquaintances all this time.  We currently stay in touch through email and phone, as well as these periodic visits.  We still have a lot in common.  And our lives have been filled with so much without each other.

For instance, I could never beat Lou in Chess in high school and we play online now.  And guess what, I still can't win.  He's won 19 straight games.   Lou was a brain in school and he went to Rutgers for an engineering degree.  He got a job after graduation up in New York state and has managed to find time for a wife and two children as well. He is a one time grandfather as well! Lou loved sports like I did and I think we engaged in all of them except for hockey.  I last played Lou in a sport in 1988 in Squash -- a truly brutal sport that is tough on knees and hips.  This kind of sport is a contributing factor to the two new knees I have and two new hips he has.

Lee is the most enigmatic of the group.  Lee did not take the traditional college path the other three of us did, but it wasn't because he is dumb.  Far from it.  In grammar school Lee was a science whiz, making things that exploded, fizzed, vaporized and whatnot. Instead, Lee futzed around a bit with college and then basically joined anything that offered an official uniform.  He was in the Air Force Civil Air Patrol, the Navy Reserve and then the Marine Corps for a couple of spins in the Nam. ere we surprised when he became a Cop for the township?  No way.  Lee is retired now, has a wife, and 3 grown children.  Another surprise:  his son is a policeman now.  When we were kids, Lee and I and Lou were into hell raising in our late teens/early twenties.

John is the most sensitive and I think the closest of my three HS friends.  He is retired now as well, having worked in home office insurance for many years.  He hasn't been all that lucky the last three years with some severe illnesses, but his spirits remain high and he is on the road to recovery.  He is married and has two kids also.   He is the only one of us (except for me) to have an earlier marriage.  It was a rocky ride filled with drama, I am afraid, and he has to persevere through some very troubling times early in his life.   

As for me, I've had a few bumps along the way as well.  My first wife, who bore me two fine children, died in 1989 of cancer.  Luckily, I found Rita and we've been married for 7 years now quite happily. Helping raise two more teenagers Rita brought with her has kept me young, too, I think.  

I've been very fortunate in a lot of ways and I am thankful for all the smiles and even some of the bumps along the way.